Saturday, January 12, 2008

My Target Deer

Can it be that the last blog I wrote was in November? I used to take time to write a lot more. I'm more of an ink on paper kind of girl though.. I know, excuses excuses. At times I feel sick of trying to put everything in a tangible form, be it photos or blogs. I know that I will be forever grateful to be able to look back and see where I've been and remember how clueless about the future I was (and forever will be). I never thought I'd be in Japan so long and now I'm contemplating extending my stay even more. My life isn't glamorous and I don't think it ever will be. I know some folks back home may think the contrary simply because I'm living in a place as exotic as Tokyo. Tokyo has lost it's shiny new sheen for me though and it's been replaced with something a little deeper. Maybe this is why the blogs are slowing down. I no longer find the quirky wonders awaiting on every undiscovered corner that once were so abundant but this place feels more and more like a home. This tears me apart because I have another home on the distant shores of New Jersey and I love my family and friends there so much. I love my friends here so much too which makes it hard to imagine leaving this place. I enter 2008 with lots of energy wanting to be directed into something. On January 4th, Makoto and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary of our first date by going to Asakusa. A sea of shiny haired heads lead us up to the shrine where I tossed my 5 yen coin and made my wish for the new year. We pulled our fortunes out of tiny drawers... Good Fortune. The strangely apropos paper said, "Red clouds move and cover your way, and sign of being fortunate is always on your way. An arrow you shoot always gets a target, everything you do will get quite well. Your target deer runs far away thousands miles ahead, so you should watch the direction of your arrow. Nobody knows that a deer will run away so far. You should not have an excessive desire."

I've been saying for years that I want to "make it" with my music without having any idea what that means. When will I know I've "made it?" Is there anything, besides lack of money, stopping me from doing all that I want to with my music? My hope for this new year is that I learn what it is that I want from life, truly, and that I direct my gaze toward that arrow I'm flinging out there into the world. I'd also like to recapture the little wonders in my day to day life and express them with music, art, laughter... I hope that my family and friends who may or may not read this will also start this new year with hope and a desire to live life incredibly.

1 comment:

el nico said...

you have 'made it' for me and everyone i play your music for. i'll keep spreading it, and hopefully the spreader-to's will continue to filter it out. i'm sure your other friends will do the same. and i'm sure that it will hit paying ears, if that's what you end up wanting.